PERIODICALS
	FEATURED ARTICLE
THE ACTOR, THE ENTERTAINER AND THE EGO Denise Lawrence describes the emergence and the influence of the self indulgent actor who resides in all of us. A blues guitarist recently on radio described how sometimes his performance can be so perfect that the audience is totally moved and the other musicians entranced. It is as if he moves beyond performing, and observes from somewhere else; where the ego-consciousness is not involved. He can be moved to tears by his own music as if he were in the audience -- an amazing, almost mystic, experience. Michelangelo, too, said of his sculptures: ěThe figures are already in there, I just peel off the excess marble.î Statues, though perhaps more in his time, continue to have a strong impact on peopleís lives. Most of us have had similar mystical moments. The difference between someone good and someone great is the ability to completely detach from their creation or performance. Though we may not exactly be remembered in history as great, whenever we experience that detachment, we move into the dimension of greatness for a while. That sense of greatness is very real and an important spiritual component in a personís life. All of us are actors. If we look within, we are bound to discover a crowd of characters. Within a single day, one plays such a variety of parts. Some parts are played in the same costume, and sometimes costumes must be changed. At every change of scene, a new character within is projected into the drama of our lives. We adopt certain postures that are peculiar to ourselves and certain situations. If we are in a business situation, our businessman will come out and we will talk in our business voice, we will dress, hold our body and be tough in a certain way and when the businessmanís part is over he merges within. The next situation calls forth another character inside us. We will find a few dozen characters inside. Eventually the moment comes when we ask which one is me, or ěWill the real me please stand up?î Itís one of the hardest questions to answer. Humans are creatures of habit. Our inner characters have their habits too, and every so often one will come out to say, ěI am going to be here all day! I donít care what the situation is!î Some of us have a policeman inside and whether or not it is appropriate he could preside over the entire day. When we use a character inappropriately, it is inevitable that something will go wrong. If our observer self stays asleep, our various characters, out of pure habit, may continue to act unsuitably. But if our observer awakens, he would ask ěHey, whatís going on? This is not what you should be doing.î Being locked in a role makes us pretentious as we try to impress others, using our act to get everybodyís attention. When we are ëon formí, and ëon a rollí, indulging in our acting, we donít care whether the situation merits it or not, we are having a good time and are not going to quit. We quickly tread on someoneís toes, become out of sync with our real self, our spirituality. Our purpose in meditation is to awaken the observer self. Our alertness enables us to send the character whose time is up backstage, and to call the next player. When the observer is skilled, responsible and confident, this works well. The actor and observer are complementary opposites. A spiritual master is skilled in moving between the two and balances both to perfection. Normally in Western culture, perfection is an extreme end of the scale and anything that is not at that extreme is not perfect. However, in truth, perfection is dead center of the balance. We become out of balance when we move towards extreme success and perpetuate this display. This is called an ego problem. Ego is slippery and difficult to see in the self, while it is easy to see in the next person. Spiritual study and practice invites us to work at very deep levels; deeper than those of the ego. Our conscience can act as a barometer to identify instantly when we are wrong or right. A wrong act is produced by false ego. Spiritual work increases our sensitivity and skillfulness in reading our barometer and seeing our activity each day. When we are putting on an act, this is the last thing we want to do. The observer needs to be there with sufficient potency to counterbalance our self-expression when it moves into self-indulgence. The observer will then send a message to the director. How do we know when we are acting properly? It feels right. The sensibility to recognize the line between what feels intuitively right and when it is wrong can be developed. Whenever we use the expression ěIt seemed like a good idea at the timeÖî it indicates to our observer, who is connected with our conscience, the intellect and understanding, that we were being egotistical at the time. We must also learn to observe our thoughts, and that includes comments on what we have done. Whether private, internal comments, or words that come out of our mouths, they are tell-tale. We need to know what words are signs of. Then we can master the ëproductioní of mind, body and soul. The fundamental discernment we need to have is that the characters inside are not the essence. Each one is merely a projection of a facet which may be suitable for particular expression. Our problem is that we go overboard, or out of line. Ultimately, we are the directors, and it is through our mastery and self-regard that we can ensure that the entire play, performed by ourselves as the main actors, unfolds to our total satisfaction. (Denise Lawrence is Director of the Brahma Kumaris Center in Los Angeles. Article appears in Retreat Magazine Issue No. 7) For more information or subscripion, plese write to "Retreat Magazine" BACK TO PUBLICATION